Reading Response: Shadow Cities by Andre Aciman

This is an analysis, more so my response to Shadow Cities. Feel free to use the ideas here for your essay.

“I wanted everything to remain the same. Because this too is typical of people who have lost everything, including their roots or their ability to grow new ones.” Andre Aciman, “Shadow Cities” pg. 21

I was shipped to China right when I was born. It was only after 10 years that I was brought back to America. The minute the plane landed, I felt the automatic distance with my homeland expand.

As I started going to school in America, I couldn’t keep up with the culture that most people had adapted to when they were little. The jokes they made, the actions they did, and the events they attended were all jumbles of puzzlement to me. This wasn’t just a feeling of being excluded but rather a stronger feeling of being exiled. Everywhere I went, after making it to a few lines, no one wanted to continue talking.

I had never felt so alone in a place that was considered home to me. And like Aciman, I wanted everything to remain the same. Why did I have to adapt to a new environment when the new environment could adapt to me? Confusing as it sounds, the feeling that I had to learn new traditions and absorb new cultures terrified me.

I was only ten years old. And with the busy environment my parents had to face (each mastering two jobs and caring for their small business), there was no way I could ask them for help, especially for something as easy as fitting in. Unlike America, China incorporated a custom that involves self-assessment and self-dependency. It’s the theme of every Chinese literature class and the story every Chinese parents insisted on telling.

But this wasn’t a story for me to tell. As much as I hoped everything was a math equation that could be fixed with a formula, it’s not. This was real life, with real people, and real conversations, not just some paper and problem you pick at with your pen.

The feeling of loss and loneliness is just too strong to get replaced with feelings of novelty as change is something we all don’t want to experience. However, one thing we should all realize is that we have to come to accept the world for what it is. Regardless of how much we might dislike it, life’s a process we should all gradually come to treasure.